Rapunzel of the Carribean
by delusional-penguin
Summary: A parody of the fairy tale Rapunzel spiced up with sum potc goodness...


A/N: I did this for an English project...now ur probably thinking she most likely failed her project..but that's not the point. Read n enjoy!

Disclaimer: don't own anything!

**Instructions (PLEASE READ)**:

This story is composed of for different style: 1) The fairy tale (in which the story ends in also), 2) The journal to show formal level of standard English, 3) The speech, transcribed by an anonymous journalist, and 4) the interrogation report, transcribed by the officers that follow Officer Norrington.

The story is based on _Rapunzel_ with a touch of _Pirates of the Caribbean_, although the names and description of looks are similar, the overall story is completely original. Thus, when encountering characters that do not seem like their usual self, forget about who they were before and just remember that this is an alternate universe.

Last of all, enjoy this fairy tale and let this tale carry you back to your childhood nighttime stories.

Rapunzel of the Caribbean

On a small island out in the Caribbean's lived a beautiful man with dark brunette locks, dazzling chocolate brown eyes and a wife that is every bit as picturesque as he is. His wife, Elizabeth Swann was a striking lady, like her husband, Will Turner, had brown tresses and matching brown eyes. This loving couple led a perfect lifestyle, away from all conformity from society, serving beer for pirates at the local bar they own. Their lives were perfect all except for one issue—they had no children. Now, Will and Elizabeth had prayed from the breaking of the dawn to the setting of the stars each day for their creation of love, a year since their marriage. Heavens did not respond them, until one fateful evening, Elizabeth had realized she was finally blessed with Will's child.

Pregnancy intensely influences a woman's disposition. Elizabeth, was not excluded in this area. Although still the courageous and adventurous woman, she had taken turns in expecting corners. For instance, Elizabeth now craves for the most bizarre foods. Another awkward craving she has developed is her craving to wear scarves. Beautiful wool scarves knitted by her neighbor Madame Defarge. A sight to behold those scarves were, colorful, brilliant, each seemingly knitted with a story behind each stitch. Will understood that they were fabulous, but Elizabeth's obsession with said scarves worries him, as he is afraid that the unfulfilled desire will affect her health.

"William, I really want a scarf, the fine wool, the dexterous knitting, the astonishing patterns! Please William, help me obtain one from our neighbor! Please William! I am afraid I will suffocate if I don't possess one!" Will's beloved wife dramatically gasped as she raised her hands to her chest while she spoke to him.

"Darling, is the corset bothering you again? Jack has warned me of this device on our wedding night. If you cannot breathe, I suppose you should loosen the insufferable item around your body," Will tried to avoid his wives pleads because he knew this spectacle was only happening due to her pregnancy. The normal Elizabeth was reasonable and loving and will never ask Will to perform any task that will endanger him. However, she seemed quite serious about what she said last when she fainted onto the cold floors of their kitchen. Will quickly picked Elizabeth up and brought her to their bed to rest. While releasing her of her corset and whispered into her ears, "for love, my sweetest, I shall achieve any errand you ask of me for you, my love."

With that, William crept into Madame Defarge's small hut in the mid of the night. As he reached for the most beautiful scarf, he felt the point of a knitting needle at the side of his neck. "Don't move, or I will kill you now," the voice that accompanied the needle had said. "How dare you crawl into my home in the middle of the night you worthless scum! Oh, how I must kill you and torture you to teach you and your filthy wife a lesson!" Madame Defarge appeared from the shadows and her eyes loomed over Will's shameful presence.

"Madame, please do not kill me. I have a wife and an unborn child to take care of, all I wanted to do was to satisfy my wife's plea for one of your masterpieces," he dared not to look up at the woman whose hatred seemed to spill out her every pore.

"You have an unborn child, I see. Fine, then I shall let you go, I will even let you take all the scarves you want, for one small favor. In exchange of your life, you must give me your unborn child the moment she is born," Madame Defarge's certainty and honesty in her voice assured Will in a way that frightened him. He knows that she will keep her promise, but he does not want to give her his child.

"I cannot give you my child! Anything else but that!" Will spat out, trembling in fear, afraid that she will kill him and he will never have a chance to see his baby.

"Well then, I suppose I should kill you and your wife then your whole family can be together in heaven," the old lady cackled as she threatened Will.

Terrified for his wife's life, he promised the old woman to bring his baby to him the day she is born. He could not tell his wife the terrible truth, so he lied to her and told her that a pirate abducted their child that night. Every moment he lived with the guilt and shamed that only grew with every dreadful day. There were only two relieves that keeps him living. One was seeing his wife still alive and well, although aged by the depression of losing their child. The other relief was to see his daughter grow more beautiful each day, at the home of his neighbor, under Madame Defarge's care.

Sixteen years had gone by and Will and Elizabeth's daughter had grown up to be a fine young woman, Madame Defarge had named her Rapunzel, even though he much preferred Mary-Sue. She seemed to have taken on recessive genes and had flowing beautiful golden tresses and enigmatic blue eyes. Her beautiful voice that matched the morning larks would fill the air with sweet melodies attracting many visitors that wanted to take a glimpse at the beautiful young lady. This caused much distress on Madame Defarge's part, every day she had to sit outside to knit to keep men from wooing the beautiful Rapunzel. Finally she decided to put Rapunzel up on the tower by the sea, away from her numerous suitors.

Rapunzel's Perspective: Journals (Formal-not so)

August 1, 1680 

Oh, Prince Charming, Prince Charming. Wherefore art thou Prince Charming? Ever since the horrendous day my hideous guardian had locked me into this heinous tower I have been living in horrible melancholy. I wish desperately to be able to reverse time, to return to my childhood home, and repeal the jealousy effects my splendor has emitted on my once loving guardian. Madame Defarge, my protector who was my mother figure for all my existence suddenly became offended by my many suitors to repel them she locked me away from freedom and sunshine. All I can grasp now is a faint illusion that one day my Prince Charming will ride his white horse in his shining armour to rescue me from the evils of this world.

August 2, 1680 

"Rapunzel! Rapunzel!

Let down your hair to me!"

Day after day, these seven words would ring outside the tower breaking the soft songs of the sea. Obeying Madame Defarge I would let down my hair allowing her to climb up the tower to offer my food to me. Life is becoming more mundane with each passing moment. The only interesting event as of late is the appearance of the Black Pearl in the nearby seas. I have heard many horrid stories of the malicious Jack Sparrow and his cruel crew. The homicides and embezzlement the scoundrels of the seas commit are intolerable and they should be arrested instantaneously.

August 3, 1680 

The leading scoundrel of the seas flew into my tower today with the assist of a flag line. Jack Sparrow the pirate, captain of the legendary Black Pearl, fell into my tower on this eventful day. His appalling accent and venomous vocabulary was atrocious. However, his particular style has kept me captivated forcing me to cling onto his every word. Every story that he told me about piracy coerces me to listen attentively. Despite his distinct stench, his smell that reminded me of sea is unforgettable. Despite the grease and dirt, his demeanor is extraordinary and his composure radiates with charisma. Despite the dark circle of filth around his eyes, the two black orbs can pierce through me, filling me with excitement and amazement. Together we sat in the tower, just Jack Sparrow and I and conversed until the first rays of the sun hit the awaiting world. How peculiar that I, Rapunzel, will discuss matters regarding the stars and moon and every else that matters in the world with Jack Sparrow, the grime of the waters.

August 10, 1680 

Captain Jack Sparrow has been coming every day for the past week. He climbs up my exquisite golden tresses and carries rum with him every time and we would imbibe the alcoholic substance together laughing and teasing with each other while he tells me stories about the terrene exterior of this tower. He instructs me in sword fighting. He says that while a damsel in distress is attractive to some men, a weak damsel is hard to save; therefore all girls should possess some of their own ability in protecting themselves. Intelligence seems to be one of my personal attributes, as I understood the fundamental skills in sword fighting in a short period of time. Captain Jack Sparrow expressed that I reminded him of an Elizabeth Swann because of my looks and independence, he also stated that I reminded him of a Will Turner because of my stubbornness. I remember their names; I do believe they are my neighbors. How he knew them was an astounding story to listen to, full of risks and dangers their journey had been, the odyssey across the sea to find the Black Pearl and recapture the infamous ship.

August 20, 1680 

Today is a day of sorrows and woes. My wretched guardian decided upon forbidding me to see my lover. One day she discovered him while I was purely reflecting on the pleasure of his company. Anguish and madness took over Madame Defarge when she realized I was humming his favorite tune and not hers. Can the angels from above please release me from this awful cell? Can the angels from above help me send my love to Captain Jack Sparrow?

Another disappointing event that has recently had happened to me, is the loss of my long hair. OUT of fury, Madame Defarge cut it off so now my blonde locks r clean. Oh, I am now just an ever-lonely girl with nowhere to settle upon!

Madame Defarge's Perspective: The Speech (informal)

Now, I don't know what others think, but this girl sure has a tendency of getting into trouble with men! First at home she flirts with the local hoodlums, if I hadn't put her up that tower she could've been kidnapped! Here, she has Jack Sparrow, captain of the Black Pearl seeing her everyday. What is she thinking?! Furthermore, She pays no respect to me anymore, all she does all day long is pity herself. Give me a break! Now YOU, Jack Sparrow, comes along and swoops her off her feet until she totally disobeys me. This, I swear, is the world gone mad. All my life I've tried to protect this little girl and this is how she repays me. She flaunts herself at you, trying to look for true love? If she only new how ironic the whole situation is, her only protector she dreams of as her enemy and the dangerous man is her Prince Charming. To save her I must capture you and turn you in!

Captain Jack Sparrow, I suppose that you're used to being tied up and such as a criminal. Don't worry, this will b fast. I will just hand you over to the officers who should be coming by in half an hour precisely. Now don't you squirm and don't you shout, I'll tell you a little story to keep you busy.

Rapunzel is not my daughter, she is the daughter of Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann. I noticed they weren't exactly adept in raising a child so I stepped in and helped them. She doesn't know about her parents and she shall never find out. You coming here is not going to make a difference as you can see, I can outsmart you easily. Just today I caught you so easily simply by lowering Rapunzel's hair and you didn't even noticed. You climbed up the tresses the same as every other day, but today I am the woman on the other end! If you were smart, you would take precaution, yet I outsmarted you!

Knitting, knitting and still knitting, this is how I'd gone through life; I lived on planning and deceit. Until that one day Rapunzel's fool of a father came along and gave me the opportunity of ridding myself of my loneliness for once and for all! He gave me beautiful little Rapunzel, in exchange for his pitiful life and his wife's even more pathetic life. Who am I to say they are miserable though? At least they had each other. While I have no one, no one at all except sweet Rapunzel. That is, until you decided to come along and take her away to Neverland!

You greasy, slimy fool wanted to take her away with you and sell her off to squandering, useless men out there just so you can get some gold right? Or even worse, you plan to exchange her for a box of gold out in the sea with repulsive pirates! How can you use a little girl's feeling and emotions just like that? Do you not have emotions? Do you know how tough being a woman is? You strut in thinking you are so great and you blind her with your malicious charm and you swaggering, taking away all my little girl's senses. Poor little Rapunzel, and she thinks you are in love with her. Why is the world so unfair to women?

Don't give me that look Cap'in, I am not giving you any wine for the pain. Yes my scarves are strong, and they can tie you down for at least three more hours. Given circumstances allow that, but you wouldn't need to be here so long, the officers are coming. Officer Norrington I assure you, will capture you. Sometimes the world is not fair, but you will have to learn to live with that fact! Live with the fact that the world revolves around nobody, if you want to make a difference; you must be the one to make it Jack Sparrow. Do not spit at me like that you intoxicated dimwit. You can take revenge on me it you believe that'll make you feel better, but I doubt you can get pass those bars now Jack Sparrow. You shall be kept away forever away from my dearest Rapunzel! Here come the officials! Bid thee farewell and I hope never to see you again.

Jack Sparrow's Perspective: Interrogation Report (Non-Standard)

Key:

N – Officer Norrington

J – Jack Sparrow

N: Why, why, why must you be caught every time Jack?

J: You need ta find yourself a girl, mate! Or, perhaps the reason you spend all day tryin' to catch me is that you already found one and are otherwise incapable of wooing said lady...You're not a eunuch, are ya?

N: Quiet! This is not an issue of my personal life, but rather your business life.

J: Business? Ha! My business is to walk around drunk wit' ma bottle o' rum, saving damsels in distress from proposals from tragic men like you.

N: Well then you don't seem to have too much of a life yourself, Jack Sparrow.

J: CAP'IN Jack Sparrow.

N: Whatever. Where was your latest steal, what crime have you committed now?

J: Crime? I'd merely callit a 'obby.

N: Where I come from, stealing treasures and women aren't exactly considered the most prestigious hobby.

J: Son, I'm Captain Jack Sparrow, savvy?

N: Jack Sparrow, I tell you, you better admit to all your evil deeds before I hang you up there. I'd hang you anyways, but I thought you'd like the whole world to know your foolish ways.

J: Ay, ay mate. If you want me to tell ya stories so much, just say so next time!

N: Go on.

J: Last time you ALMOST caught I, methinks that wasn't too long ago as you spend all your days chasin' after me. I am rather gorgeous, no? Ah, that day I fell into the the tower and the little girly, Rapunzel hid me. I told her stories in return.

N: That's all? Somehow I do not believe you Mr. Sparrow.

J: I merely told 'er the story of the Curse of the Black Pearl. Oh she loved the part about 'uman 'air, from my back. She 'as quite the 'air burden 'erself, 'cept 'ers on 'er pretty li'l head.

N: Then you stole her did you not?

J: May I ask you something? 'Ave I ever given you reason not to trust me? Do us a favor, I know 'ow this is difficult for you but please stay 'ere...and try not to pull unintelligent stunts. You ain't gonna catch me by signaling those dimwits down there.

N: I am not signaling anyone, I am...stretching my fingers.

J: Every time you try to catch me, don't forget one very important matter, mate...I'm Captain Jack Sparrow.

N: You pirates are grossly egotistical, considering you're not much but some scum, you sure have a big head.

J: My head comes with the grease n' braids n' all, big is a must. And anyways, Welcome to the Caribbean, love!

N: Your attitude is irritating me now, I am going to arrest you.

J: Ay matey, allow me one last swig of rum.

N: No. You come now.

J: No! NOT GOOD! What are you doin'?! You burn me all you want! Not the rum!

N: Sober up, cap'in.

J: You're not still mad 'bout Elizabeth are you, mate? If you really are, I can just get her back for you, savvy? I am a man of my word; even Will is a man of his word. I couldn't help you at the persuadin' Lizbeth part. Even if she promises, she can take the promise back. She is, in fact, a woman, and need not be a man of her word.

N: That is not the issue.

J: Well, if that ain't mate, Let me get back to my girly, I'll pick her up, we'll stop by for a drink, you go off savin' the day and I'll just be on my way. Savvy?

N: Just how likely will I trust you? And to trust you enough to set you free?

J: Me? I'm dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest...Honestly, the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they're going to perform tasks that are incredibly...unbelievably dense. 'Nyways mate, gotta ciao.

N: STAND STILL! WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE GOING?!

J: Well, if you were waiting for the opportune moment...my long honest speech was right. Now it you'll be so kind, I'd be much obliged if you'd drop me off my ship and I'll be on my way to rescue my Rapunzel.

N: Stop! Don't move!

J: This is the day you will always, ALWAYS, I remind you, remember as the day that you almost caught Captain Jack Sparrow.

With that, he jumped off the tower where Norrington was interrogating him and unlocked the underground cell that locked Rapunzel up. He grabbed her around the waist and carried her out of the tiny damp hole. Madame Defarge on the other hand was screaming at Officer Norrington scolding him for losing the pirate. Captain Jack Sparrow and Rapunzel jumped onto the Black Pearl and set sail towards the horizon. And they lived happily ever after. Now even though he may not be Prince Charming on a white horse. He is afterall, Cap'in Jack Sparrow and he has the Black Pearl. That was enough to satisfy Rapunzel for the rest of her long life.


End file.
